just ask this scientitian

There are two ways of starting your maternity leave.

The first is the ordinary way - you make sure someone will be handling your emails and your role while you’re away, spend your last day working in-person at the office, and then your team organises a long lunch, some balloons, and a John Lewis gift card. You sail off into the peach-coloured sunset, full of free sandwiches and store-bought cake, looking forward to meeting your new baby.

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The second way of starting your maternity leave is your company forgetting you’re going on maternity leave.

I got sent this message five minutes after my last day had finished:

You may be thinking that I could have just given him the benefit of the doubt, and gently reminded him that I was, in fact, now on maternity leave and that all enquiries should be directed to my cover employee.

Except I had reminded him.

Because he had insisted on a day of in-person meetings ahead of my maternity leave starting.

Which is how I ended up in Afflecks’ at 11am on a Sunday morning, having this conversation with him:

‘Have you had a chance to look at my report?’

‘I’m going to deal with my correspondence on Monday.’

‘I did write and send it out to you so we could discuss it today.’

‘As I said, I’ll have a look through it on Monday when I have time, and then we can discuss it over the next couple of weeks.’

[pause]

‘You do realise I’m going on maternity leave next Friday?’

[pause]

‘Oh.’

Really, I’m not sure how much clearer I could have been.

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highlights

I recently attended the lunch!NORTH trade show at Manchester Central. I’ve worked in direct sales at these sorts of things for years, but this is the first chance I’ve had to actually attend as someone with a legitimate interest in the products on offer. There were panels, marketing insights, and so many free beverages I won’t have to buy myself a fun little drink for months. We’ll be heading down to the London show later this year, and I’m excited to go alongside the team.

People keep asking what my pregnancy cravings are, and apparently ‘France’ is not a normal response. Because I’m too far along to fly now, I’ve been spending my lunch breaks watching Michel Roux Jr programmes on Food Network - it’s not quite the same as being home in Paris, but it makes a bowlful of coquillettes au beurre feel a little bit fancier than just buttered noodles.

Lidl has just started doing a new chocolate-filled brioche croissant, and it’s almost-but-not-quite a dead ringer for an Italian cornetto. I’ve eaten about four of them in the last week. This baby is definitely at least 90% cake now.

The weather has finally turned springy, and I’m still stuck for clothes, so hello, Vinted. This dress from H&M is totally bump-friendly, and available in multiple colours - I’ve got it in black, beige, and a lovely cornflower blue. Throw a Breton sweater over the top, or pair with a linen shirt for a more summery look - instant spring chic.