that's why her hair is so big

My husband learned years ago that he couldn’t keep secrets from me.

It all stemmed from one conversation on the way home from the pub in November 2016. I’m a December baby, and we were talking about what I wanted to do for my birthday.

‘Do you mind if I give you your present in the afternoon of your birthday?’

‘Oh, are you getting me a rabbit?’

Cue one very awkward silence.

(It turned out he’d been planning on taking me to pick out a rabbit to adopt for my birthday. Luckily, our landlord made us move out a week later so he could sell the flat, and moving as a pet-free couple was much easier than it would have been otherwise.)

Since then, questions about Christmas are banned. I’m not allowed to shake (or touch) presents when they’re under the tree. If I say the words ‘my birthday’ any time after October, he changes the subject.

You’d think I’d have learned to stop asking.

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It turns out that the most effective tactic he’s discovered about planning a surprise is just to lie.

I’m not talking the typical ‘what-are-you-doing-nothing’ interaction. This was outright denial of everything I could physically see. It was like living with a toddler.

His phone would go off in the kitchen and I would take it to the office for him.

‘You’ve got a text from B.’

‘Cool, thanks.’

‘Why are you texting B?’

‘I’m not texting B.’

Mysterious Amazon packages started arriving.

‘There was a delivery for you. I’ve left it on the coffee table.’

‘Oh good.’

‘What’s in it?’

‘What’s in what?’

He spent most of Saturday baking.

‘How much of this Polish vanilla do I use if the recipe calls for two teaspoons of regular vanilla?’

‘Half a capful. What are you putting vanilla in?’

‘I’m not putting vanilla in things.’

Two hours later:

‘Can you see if this cake is baked through?’

‘Yes, that looks like it’s done. Why are you making a cake?’

‘What cake?’

Anyway, the next day’s mostly-a-surprise baby shower went off without a hitch.

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highlights

The original babymoon plan had been somewhere warm and sunny - Portugal, Italy, possibly the South of France. What we ended up doing was spending two days in Manchester. Luckily, The Midland has a spa and pool, and Wowcher is doing a fantastic deal on overnight pricing at the moment. Follow your complimentary breakfast with some shopping and an alcohol-free cocktail outside of the Corn Exchange and, if you stare directly into the sun, it’s almost like being in Rome.

If you’re looking for a great alcohol-free alternative to wine, Thomson & Scott’s Noughty Sparkling Chardonnay is crisp, refreshing, and oh-so-bubbly. I’m not a Chardonnay girlie usually, but this option isn’t too sweet and has a lovely clean finish. Chill it well, then pair it with some Perello olives - it’s perfect for a pregnancy-friendly apéro.

Spring is Jane Austen season, whether you prefer Elinor Dashwood, Fanny Price, or you just like watching Colin Firth get in a lake (guilty). As part of our babymoon, we caught a matinee of Pride & Prejudice *sort of at The Lowry over in Salford. It’s fantastically irreverent, totally self-aware, and has an all-female cast of five. Their UK tour ends in June, so get your tickets booked now.

We’ve bought Pea her first stuffie - Gilda Gans from Steiff. We’re looking forward to seeing how this one holds up to being chewed / dropped / fed bits of dinner.