what do you think i have down there, a gnome?

We’ve all seen the videos of people neatly boxing up their pregnancy tests and giving them to their partners / parents / siblings as a surprise.

I’ve never quite understood why. It feels like the main message there is

CONGRATULATIONS

HERE’S A WEE-SOAKED BIOHAZARD

(which is also not an inaccurate description of babies)

I can’t say that any of the ways I told people were any better than presenting them with something I’d nearly dropped in the loo.

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My best friends from uni found out after I slammed a glass down on the pub table and too-loudly announced ‘THIS IS LEMONADE’.

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My best friend from school found out the next day while we were discussing our Christmas plans:

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My parents found out when they came to visit and we’d known about Pea for approximately seventy two hours. My mum walked through our front door, thrusting a bag of home-grown vegetables and a bottle at me.

‘Mmm, lovely, French wine - oh, I can’t have any.’

‘Why not?’

‘I’m pregnant.’

(This was actually a great way of telling her because she was so surprised that she didn’t say anything problematic for half an hour.)

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The worst way of announcing your pregnancy is probably through leaving your job in November, setting up a Substack, writing about being seven months pregnant, and then posting about it on LinkedIn (whoops).

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The way I actually told my husband was very casual.

We’d sort-of known for about a week; I wasn’t feeling well, I was tired, my period had never really got going. He’d got the train to work that morning, and I’d decided to bite the bullet and pee on a stick.

I hadn’t told him I was going to do this. When you’ve been trying for so long, when it’s been exhausting and stressful and tiring, you don’t tell them every time you take a test. You don’t tell them about the negatives. You don’t tell them about the mid-morning glass of Pinot Grigio you once had, or about the time you spent three hours crying on the stairs, or about how the guilt of failing to be pregnant sometimes makes you think that maybe they’d be better off marrying someone else.

And, that evening, I walked up the hill to meet him at the station. He stepped out of the carriage, took out his headphones as he saw me on the other side of the ticket barriers, pulled me in for a hug.

‘I thought you’d be at home.’

I looked up at him, anxious and tired and glad he was here.

‘We thought we’d come and meet you.’

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highlights

Our local discount store has recently got in a shipment of MOMA flavoured oat lattes. At 39p each, how could I not? This one is the perfect balance of creamy oat and not-too-sweet caramel, matched with a smooth and rounded coffee. Top them with a little bit of caramel foam, and it’s the perfect mid-morning treat.

Winter doesn’t seem to feel like leaving yet, and my hands feel like sandpaper. Palmer’s Cocoa Butter Formula hand cream is my husband’s go-to in winter, but I’ve been using it when I can’t be bothered to get out of bed to find my own. It’s perfect for long-lasting hydration, although the scent makes me want a pain au chocolat in the middle of the night. The Palmer’s Stretch Mark cream doesn’t smell quite as nice, but I’m still stretch-mark-free at seven months.

One thing I’ve been focussing on this year is the joy of reconnection - whether that’s a coffee with a friend I haven’t seen for a while, replying to that week-old text, or making sure that my husband and I have some proper one-on-one time that isn’t about the baby. Following Lunar New Year, he booked us into HOME MCR for dinner. The highlight of the meal? A deep-fried pumpkin and rice flour cake, filled with red bean paste and (optionally) dipped in condensed milk - it’s chewy inside, crispy outside, and totally vegan-friendly. To make your own nan gua bing, The Plant Based Wok has a great recipe for recreating them at home.

One of my favourite styles to come out of the last few years is balletcore, and there’s just something very Parisian about a tulle skirt paired with biker boots and a chunky knit sweater. Vinted has me covered again, so I’ve been pairing this H&M Mama skirt with some more wintry accessories. It makes the Champs feel that little bit closer, even in the middle of Piccadilly Gardens.